Mental Health Hacks Learned Over Years of Therapy: Here’s What Works for Me!

Oh Hey There,

If you're like me, you know that trauma ripples out. It's not just the big, dramatic events, but the subtle ways our bodies and minds react to the world, sometimes years or even decades later. As a mama of four, I've learned that I can't just wish those echoes away. I have to actively work to rewire my resilience, not just for myself, but for my kids and my partner.

Our brains are amazing. They're a lot like gardens – sometimes weeds grow, but we can always cultivate new, beautiful flowers. That's where neuroscience comes in. I've become fascinated by how our brains can change and adapt (neuroplasticity), even after experiencing traumas big or small.

Here's what I've learned and what I try to practice daily:

First and foremost, Mindfulness & Grounding:

I’ve been in therapy since I was six years old and practicing yoga since 14.

While I have been repeatedly exposed to the concept of mindfulness and why it matters so much, only recently, while going through cognitive behavioral therapy (for the third time), did I find this:

When those echoes start to surface (the racing heart, the intrusive thoughts, etc.), I ground myself. I might just try to focus on my breathing, feel my feet on the floor wiggling my toes or pressing into the floor with purpose, or look around and name five things I can see, four things I can touch, three things I can hear, two things I can smell, and one thing I can taste.

This helps bring me back to the present moment, where I'm safe. It's like gently reminding my brain:

"Hey, we're okay now."

Second, Reframing the Nasty Negative Thoughts:

Our brains love to tell us stories, especially negative ones. I’ve learned to question those stories and the judgmental narrative. Is this thought really true? What's the evidence? Can I reframe it in a more positive light? For example, instead of "I'm a shit mom," I might say, "I'm learning and growing every day to do the best I can." It takes practice, but it works.

One of the more fun reframing methods I’ve learned is if you have a negative thought, replay that thought in an accent that makes you smile. It really helps if you are not the best at shutting down negative thinking just yet. Hearing the critical or negative nasty words in your mind in some silly version helps to take away the voice’s credibility!

Some examples that work for me have been:

“You’re a failure to your family.” – said in the voice of Fat Bastard from Austin Powers.

Or:

“You are stupid, annoying, and unworthy of anyone’s love or time.” in the voice of Donald Trump. Sometimes I can even imagine it coming out of the character’s mouth with all of the ridiculous mannerisms intact.

Get silly with it.

Third, Cultivating Self-Compassion:

This one can be hard for me. I used to be so much harder on myself. Luckily, I've learned that self-compassion is essential for healing. I talk to myself like I would talk to a close friend who is going through a rough time. Sometimes I use the trick of looking at a childhood picture. When looking, I try to be the person I needed most back then – to who I am right now.

Think of your typical negative self-talk. Would you be okay with saying these things about a child to their face? If not, remember that you are still that same person. If so, you may need help that can’t come from some neurospicy blogger chick.

I try daily to remind myself that I'm doing my best, and that is enough! More importantly, I remind myself that my best WILL change from day to day.

Fourth, Movement and Creative Expression:

Our bodies hold onto trauma. This theory was reinforced for me when my best friend told me about their life-changing experience studying the body and the power of massage. Many people have reported experiencing emotional outbursts during a massage. These did not stem from physical pain but from their massage therapist stimulating the part of their body that was connected to their trauma or the part of the body where their trauma was “stored.” The connection between the body and the mind is well documented. Logically, it follows that body movement is crucial to mind state. Whether it's yoga, dancing, swimming, or even just raising your arms above your head and taking three slow belly breaths, movement can completely change your mindset. If you can just go for a walk, play the drums, stand up, and wiggle – it will help release tension and get you to regulate the nervous system.

As an artist and writer, I know firsthand the power of creative expression. Painting, writing, or even just doodling helps me process my emotions and find my voice. When my emotions are trapped in my mind, it’s like a box of angry hornets. Once I free-flow write or focus on painting and express these emotions into physical reality, the hornets calm down and leave in an orderly fashion.

Try Taking a Dump! A ‘Brain Dump’.

“A brain dump is a process where a person writes down or records all of their thoughts, ideas, and feelings without any critical evaluation or organization. It's a way to clear the mind and get everything out on paper or a digital document.”

Write a list of the things on your mind that are begging for your attention before a project, before bed, or when you start the day. If you can at least make a list, you’re probably going to feel less overwhelmed just by seeing everything in your way laid out. Often times, this gives you the perspective to see that you are not facing as many obstacles as your mind is leading you to believe.

The next step is organizing your dump into an action plan. If you can categorize tasks into things that are doable today, then this week, and identify things you need done within the month but not right this moment, you will see your path crystallizing before you.

When you can do this, your brain can let go. Now you have it out. Your thoughts are no longer frantically rumbling around your mind screaming to not be forgotten. Now you’ve put it somewhere you can refer back to. It will be nagging at you until you put it where it belongs, out of your mind and into an action plan.

This has helped me so many times when there seems to be way too much on my plate. This helps me sleep, helps me to be present with my kids, and really focus when I am working on a project. My partner told me recently how much listing things out has changed his life. Before we met, he would torture himself with all the things he needed to get done and procrastinate until crises emerged and forced his hand at solving problems with rushed solutions that brought his stress to all-time highs.

Now he looks forward to taking his daily dump.

Fifth, Building a Supportive Community:

We're not meant to heal alone. I often feel isolated as a mama. Connecting with others who understand what we've been through is incredibly powerful.

Find your tribe, whether it's a support group, a therapist, or just a few trusted friends.

Admittedly, this can feel impossible at times. I have been in crisis and felt alone, like I had no one to call. When we find ourselves in a dark place mentally, the last thing we want to do is burden others with our darkness.

One of the most helpful things I’ve done for myself in those situations is to actually create a list of people who would be supportive enough to lean on when you need a good paradigm shift.

This work is best started when you are in a positive state of mind. It’s like storing support acorns in preparation for a harsh psychological winter.

I usually find myself in this state of mind after I create or accomplish something. During that high point, I try to list a few people who I want to share my accomplishments with – these are usually my most supportive humans. They are the most likely to be honored I chose them to be there when I need a helping hand to hoist me out from my pit of self-loathing.

If you don’t have a good circle or you can’t get in a good headspace, there are many resources available to you. Some employers offer EAPs (employee assistance programs) with an emotional support component available. This is typically at no cost to you. If you find yourself at a low point while unemployed, try chatting with AI. During the dark times, this can help you vent and regain control over your situation. If you are more comfortable with human contact or do not currently have access to internet/AI-capable technology, you can always text or call 988 to speak with someone at the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.

Whatever your chosen method is, REACH OUT. None of us is ever truly alone, and help is usually closer than you suspect.

Sixth, Neuroplasticity in Action:

I really want you to know that your brain is capable of change. I wish someone got this through my head sooner.

Every time you practice these techniques, you're creating new and strengthening existing neural pathways. It's like building new roads in your brain or improving the dirt roads into expressways, making it easier to navigate the challenges of life.

Turning the things that are at first awkward and clumsy (meditating, doing silly voices, grounding, etc.) to something that is second nature when you’re in distress and really need it.

As a mom, I want to teach my kids that they're strong, capable, and resilient. I want them to know that they can overcome anything. And I need to show them that healing is possible, even after the toughest experiences.

So, let's cultivate our gardens together. Let's rewire our resilience and create a world where everyone feels safe, loved, and empowered.

What are some of the ways you cultivate resilience in your life? Share your thoughts in the comments below. Let's learn from each other.

Keep moving forward,

Leah.